Before you Speak...

Think!

There are some things in life that I just can't seem to emphasize enough. I'm pretty sure this is one of them. Yes, it possibly may be something that you have heard before, reiterated by parents, teachers, or any one who you may have looked up to. But I cannot stop telling myself this again and again: THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK! And think long and hard about what you are going to say, assuming that you choose to say it. I like to call this BYS (Before you Speak) moments; they most likely have plagued some of my relationships with other people.

Just yesterday, I had a BYS moment. It was at night, when I was out with friends. A friend of mine drives well, crazy. Not 'insane' crazy, but not exactly normal either, I suppose it's somewhere in the middle. Although, in concession, I should probably state that there was a degree of safety in her driving, not totally reckless. Anyways, I thought it would be a little comical to state that her driving was a little crazy, but not insane. As we were driving out of a store, I just said "[friend], you drive kinda crazy. But I guess we all need that to be on the road" (or something along those lines). She didn't meet it with fierce anger and malevolence, but it caused the conversations in the car to go quiet. Then, a good friend of mine, changed the topic to talk about how another guy I know drives like an actual maniac, every one in the car agreed in unison and even had a laugh about it. The girl I talked to, still driving, said that she knows how to 'drive properly' and then the topic quickly shifted. At the time, I didn't realize what I did, I only saw it as a failed attempt at a joke. However, even after I said goodbye to all my friends and hit the hay, I realized what a shitty mistake that was. I can only hope that she took with a grain of salt, but in a way, I'll never know nor do I ever want to ask her about it.

The point that I'm trying to make here, perhaps for myself, is that in this scenario, if I had thought of the possible implications of my speech before I had said it, things would have been different. I did think of it before I spoke, but I never thought of how others may have reacted to it, especially her. I'll never know if she took it seriously or if she let it go. In a way, I'll never know if it had a negative or neutral impact on what some may call a friendship. I meant it in the lightest of ways, with the least of malicious intent*, but what if she perceived it as an offense and instead of returning fire, she chose to shrug it off and not think highly of me and the small friendship that we have. If I JUST could have not said it, then things wouldn't have gotten, what I think is worse, between us.

Perhaps I am in the state of paranoia, after all it only lasted for a brief moment. Maybe she did shrug it off and didn't think much of it. Perhaps, it never affected our friendship at all...

If I had thought of the impact of my remarks, I most defintely wouldn't have said it. I suppose the moral of the story is, think before you speak. Think about how something small like your friendship, or something big like a job interview or a memory could possibly change with what you say. When untamed, the tongue is a powerful thing, and although it's a small thing (for the most of us) it could effect our daily livelihood. Consider this excerpt from one of the world's bestselling books, The Bible:

JAMES 3:2-6 (NIV)

"We all stumble in many ways. Anyone who is never at fault in what they say is perfect, able to keep their whole body in check. When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go.  Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell"

"It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one's life on fire..." Although I find that to be quite intense, nevertheless it is a true statement. Just one thing that you can say can put to ruins any hopes and aspirations that you may have in life.

I've always wondered why I've said these things, but now I realize it's because I want to be remembered, I want to be [sigh]... popular. Not popular like the high school captain of the football team, trust me, I'm not getting there. But remembered as a 'cool' person by my friends. You don't want to be a person whose always on the side just nodding in agreement to everything one's gotta say, I think one can seize the day and be cherished or considered 'cool' by all if he says something smart. But the reality, as tested by me, does not work. It takes more than words to prove that you are worth something to everything in life, it requires action, it requires a commitment to work hard and improve at every thing that you do. You can't just talk your way through it, you have to walk the walk. This experience that I've had is of course not a good one, but in a way it shapes our character, it helps us be a better person in life. 


At the end of the day, yeah, I probably shouldn't have said what I said. What if she as well as the others in the car thought of me in a bad way? What if they don't see me as a 'cool' person or someone that they can confide in? These are things I guess I'll never know and I guess I'll take my chances with them. The same things have happened to me countless times before, enough to bore you with, as if I'm not doing that already, but I'm not going to let it get to me. That doesn't mean I won't 'tame' my tongue, but that just means I have to let these experiences become a part of me, not so I can repeat the things I've said or done in the past, but so it can help grow and become a better man in the future.


I'll end this post with two quotes:

“Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment.” - Rita Mae Brown

“Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted. And experience is often the most valuable thing you have to offer.” - Randy Pausch


Once again, thanks for reading,



* Turns out, malintent is not a word, it's just a compound slang used by people to shorten the word