One Man Down

It's been a little over a month now since I've seen my dad. On the last week of May, he went to India for a little over a month of vacation and technically "business" (he has a ministry, so he's going over there to see how that's going too). Two things in particular have taken effect due to his absence: A shift in many of the daily responsibilities to myself, and a gaping hole in the entire family.

When my dad first left, I thought it wouldn't be that bad. After all, it was just a month, so I figured I wouldn't miss him a whole lot anyway. For a while, I didn't really feel like I missed him, since school kept me somewhat occupied for about the first two weeks following his departure. However, after school was over and summertime started, I realized how different things had become without him. 

Now don't get me wrong, I love my mother, but she has the worst mood swings. Sometimes she's happy, some times she's normal, but most of the time, she's just panicky and agitated. For the most part, you never really know what you can expect. So I try to be on my best behavior every day (the key word here is try), but I often get so ticked off which in turn only makes matters worse. The only person in my house that has any authority over her is my middle sister, neither does myself or my oldest sister have any control over her mood swings. Perhaps she can do that because she is more like her father, compared to her siblings. However, on most days, she spends her morning at college and work in the afternoon, which also happens to be on campus. And since my oldest sister has been married off, this leaves me to wage the force of resistance against my mother, which is easier said than done. Since my dad isn't here either, my mom chose me to do a majority of the menial work as well as dragging me along wherever she goes. After a while, it's not the peon-esque work that bothers me, it's dealing with my mom's mood swings. My dad was always good at handling her behavior, which is probably why he could deal with her mood swings. You see, when my dad goes away, I am forced to deal with my mom's mood swings. Honestly, I feel as if I am incapable to do such a thing. At times, she comes off as annoying and loud, and I counter that by being just as annoying and loud. My dad had a better way of dealing with this, which he once told me, was to shut your damn mouth and submit yourself to her bidding. There seems to be no way around it, and trust me, I've tried nearly everything...everything but giving in. 

Another effect of my dad's short vacation was the gaping hole he left in the family. When he left for India, he took a part that helped function the family with him as well. It's like slashing a tire in a car. The car can still function, but just not as effectively as it would be if all four tires were filled with air. It's an odd feeling without my dad around, because he is the one who keeps the rest of our family in check. Of course, at first it's a bit of privilege getting to stay up later than usual and doing more...let's just say things that would be deemed controversial by some*. Yet eventually, this feeling wears off and you may not miss the strict rules and regulations, but you miss the person who enforces them. At times, the late nights have become fruitless, for most nights I have sat around the house doing nothing. Without my dad, the other responsible parent in my house, my mom, becomes more paranoid and agitated than she ever would be if he was around. My dad was also the parent we went to if we had any problems, it's simply because he knew how to better deal with almost any situation than my mom could. He was a people person, knew how to deal with both the good and bad type of people. Not just that, but he knew how to deal with many types of situations, from dealing with certain people to changing a tire (although almost everyone knows that, but you get my point). Without that around, there's no form of assurance or encouragement, only the waves of multiple mood swings and paranoia from my mother. I couldn't imagine living without my dad, I wouldn't be the same person today if he wasn't around. He has become such an important part of my upbringing, which essentially makes him a vital part of my life. It would be a different life growing up with my dad not present, but I'm just glad that I'm not down that road.

What's also worse was how he became when he went on vacation. Here the rest of us were, concerned and missing his presence, while he was having a blast over on the other side of world. In only a matter of weeks, he sounded relaxed, refreshed, and content (yes I know, I ruined the alliteration moment!). Hearing his cheery voice made us all miss him all the more, yet at the same time, we realized how we too needed a vacation.

I can't imagine what it's like for kids who don't grow up without a dad, it's not that women are incapable of raising their children. It's just that without a father, there's a key aspect of life that no one else could ever fulfill. Without my dad, I don't see myself becoming the person I am or the person that I will be in the future. I've met quite a few people before who don't have a dad because of death or usually divorce, and it's not that they aren't well behaved or normal, it's just that they're missing a part of their life that could potentially shape the way they grow. This doesn't mean that I'm endorsing the idea of dead-beat dads. In a way, no parent could be better than an abusive one. 

Anyways, my dad is coming back next week. As you can imagine, I'm looking forward to the day that he comes back home again. In a way, the time that he's been away has taught me yet again how much I should value many of the little things that I have in life. 

Thanks for reading,

*Another blog post, I promise!